Thursday, June 12, 2008

2008 heaters

highlights of 2008 thus far in video and picture format for the 2008er on the go

song of the year.

best reruns:

best indulgence:

best place to meet a warzone woman:

best wagering incentive:
loser gets swirlied in the toilet
picture forthcoming

best summertime drink(s):

best slept on tv channel

still the best animals always and forever:

most awesome fucking kid alive

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

ADD? whats that?

im going to jump around to a million different things that are all uninteresting.

A Professional Gambler's Take on the Tim Donaghy Scandal

a pretty good read if you are into sports betting at all, this guy is a machine. i wish i had access to his stats. too bad i blew the money i made on betting what the finals would be about 5 seconds after i won it. fucking bodog. i shouldn't mix sports and poker. i'm thinking about betting cubs to make the WS.

the rise in the price of gas has seriously prohibited me from doing a lot this summer, especially going to atlantic city as much as i want to, and im sure many others too after seeing the pretty desolate rooms in comparison to previous summers. the less serious players are going less which is making the games a little tougher but my last 2 sessions have been 2 of my best live ones yet. the one (very small) positive i think the gas increase has had on poker rooms is people now plan on staying longer, to get their gas money's worth and becoming tired and making mistakes. i think im going to try and take the bus down next week for maybe 3 out of 5 days and see whats happening.

ok lets talk about the top chef finale. Really? this was really the best you had to offer? pork belly rules but that was about the most boring and uninteresting way ive ever seen it. a prawn in chili sauce was actually called "original". a seared banana (again richard?) in melted bacon ice cream does actually sound great on a gluttony level, not on a best-young-chef-in-the-world level. They seemingly all brought their C games and just had no flair or anything exciting going on. It was a snooze fest entertainment-wise and food-wise.

i got really into gardening this spring. i can't wait for my plants to bloom. theyre getting pretty tall. i have a few different varities of tomatoes, obscure peppers from around the world, spinach, sugar snap peas, strawberries, all different herbs, something else i'm forgetting. if even any of it comes out good i will feel so accomplished.

hellhole played in brooklyn saturday night. we were ok. it was fun. first show in a while. 1/2 price beer was the best part. also working on a new band.

Seriously, how good is bacon? i can't think of a food on earth i wouldn't eat it with. bacon is somehow the perfect food and the perfect condiment at the same time. its the food equivalent of a walkoff grand slam.

"boring summer" - civ

Thursday, June 5, 2008

the smartest poker player ever.

in a poker room in a casino, there are 2 kinds of chips. cash chips, which are actually worth the amount written on them, and tournament chips, which have no physical cash value, they are just used in tournaments and collected when the tournament is over. Some crafty bachelor decided to swipe a couple off the tournament table and put them to good use.

"The story starts with a girl. She’s frantic. She’s yelling. She’s at the main cage trying to cash out but they will not honor the $500 value of the chip. Why won’t they honor it? Well, the chip clearly states that it has “no cash value.”

This girl is a working girl and she has been paid by, and all signs point to, a poker player. A player who wished to procure her services for the price of 1 $500 tournament chip.

Now what is the bigger sin? Ripping off a hooker or stealing tournament chips?

Word from the floor is that it happens all the time and that there’s more. No!

Yes. Another facet to the scam is that a poker player will hire a prostitute for a set amount of money. We'll say $600. Once the deed is done, 5 minutes later, and its time to pay up, the poker player will tell the pro that they only have a $1000 chip. A $1000 tournament chip. Of course they need change, and the lady of the night ponies up 4 hundred dollar bills for change.

So not only are they stealing tournament chips and ripping off dumb hookers, they’re also turning a profit."


Wednesday, May 28, 2008

sack lunch

Highlights of vacation:

a legit warzone woman moshing to a karaoke cover of let the bodies hit the floor

funneling jooze through a pool noodle

"im going to be a teacher please dont put these pictures on the internet they'll ruin my career"

md being a legit human cartoon character and running full speed through a screen door

weed brownies + margs + valium leaving me a paraplegic for 24 hours

skunky bong dude.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

its been a while. i have nothing interesting to add. no good anecdotes. nothing. i just got hbo for the first time ever. theres a special on right now about AC hookers. i should dvr it for sam no dice. speaking of ac, im on one of my best gambling upswings in a long time. not for a ton of money, pretty low stakes, but i havent lost in what seems like months, online and in ac. its sick. im trying to save up for a trip im thinking about taking out to the west coast at the end of summer to see friends, visit culinary schools, maybe see oasis, etc. i just dont want to go alone and thats what it seems like i'll have to do. i need people to practice cooking for, im dying to try new stuff but noone in my house would eat what i make. maybe ill have a dinner party or something.

gerity is moving out of his apt in a month. im pretty bummed. place rules, always good hangin. it moreso bums me out though that hes done with college and getting a real world job. good for him, its just making me realize i havent done anything. i know im kinda trying to make up for lost time now, and im glad im pretty much over my depression/bi-polarness/panic attacks but i still feel so behind and i feel like im growing apart from everyone i know.

i sold my bass and my gear. i kinda feel the same way i did when i sold my records; apprehensive and like im making a bad choice. my current band situation has bummed me out so much i just needed to break away from the attachment of wanting it to happen so badly when i know it wont. maybe someday ill get to go on tour, its one of my top 3 goals ive had and its becoming more and more unlikely. people seem to be really into the new record, too.

i hate being serious.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

People falling down is the greatest thing ever. I fucking love idiots. PRESIDENT FORD LOL BOB DOLE, HOPE HE DIDNT LAND ON HIS VIAGRA BONER HAHAH THE 2ND ONE IS SO GOOD - brian maguire?

even golf is cool in HD

It looks like the writers strike is over. I guess i'm glad; it seems the writers have gotten at least a piece of what they wanted, and understandably so. How were any of them to know how big dvd sales, internet downloading, and on demand would have gotten and I feel they are entitled to their piece of it. I was getting terribly used to 10x more reality television than usual. Heres my thoughts on some current tv happenings.

Lost - Never seen it. you stupid assholes have been stuck on an island for what, 3 years now? wasn't there supposed to be a monster or something? Yeah, that could have been cool.. like cloverfield (jk). People get so worked up over this and i bet its going to end so bad. i hope people start eating each other.

Terminator - Sarah Connor Chronicles: Ok, everytime people talk about this show i try to stick up for it. but it kinda stinks. The girl terminator fucking SUCKS SO MANY DICKS. I dont know how an actor can fuck up being an emotionless cold monotone robot, but somehow this moonfaced bitch does. The t1000 pretending to be a teacher and shooting up the class was pretty cool though. I'll keep watching but I don't know why.

The Superbowl - worst commercials EVER. shaq riding a horse, some stupid baby, and a big tease of there being a toy story 3 but no dice. Serious lack of babes, partying dogs, and beer apes. What happened to the glory days of these little guys, homo snickers, and even this brilliant piece from last year? Did commercial writers strike too?

American Pie: Band Camp on tv - no tits, no care.

The Office - im praying it doesn't come back. The first few episodes of season 4 have been about as entertaining as punching myself in the dick and they hold my attention about as well as fucking the NHL. Seriously, just give it up, youve ruined the characters and their situations are so stupid. And for no real reason, Fuck the Brits too.

Playgirl channel - i wouldn't know, ask Matt Clarke.

The Newest Katt Williams special - first half sucks, the other comics sucked major aids dick. And even though i had heard some of Katt's bits before, dude does not dissapoint. Funniest black dude (sorry, tyler perry.)

the Pro Bowl - LOL zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Futurama not being on at 11:00 anymore - GAY. The N did start airing saved by the bell though so at least i dont have to watch family guy.

stuff im looking forward to: Baseball, Baseball tonight, The Shield, Top Chef 4