where braincells go to die

2008 heaters

2008-06-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

highlights of 2008 thus far in video and picture format for the 2008er on the go

song of the year.

best reruns:

best indulgence:
+

best place to meet a warzone woman:

best wagering incentive:
loser gets swirlied in the toilet
picture forthcoming

best summertime drink(s):

best slept on tv channel
http://www.foxreality.com/

still the best animals always and forever:

most awesome fucking kid alive

ADD? whats that?

2008-06-11T21:06:00.000-07:00

im going to jump around to a million different things that are all uninteresting.

A Professional Gambler's Take on the Tim Donaghy Scandal

a pretty good read if you are into sports betting at all, this guy is a machine. i wish i had access to his stats. too bad i blew the money i made on betting what the finals would be about 5 seconds after i won it. fucking bodog. i shouldn't mix sports and poker. i'm thinking about betting cubs to make the WS.

the rise in the price of gas has seriously prohibited me from doing a lot this summer, especially going to atlantic city as much as i want to, and im sure many others too after seeing the pretty desolate rooms in comparison to previous summers. the less serious players are going less which is making the games a little tougher but my last 2 sessions have been 2 of my best live ones yet. the one (very small) positive i think the gas increase has had on poker rooms is people now plan on staying longer, to get their gas money's worth and becoming tired and making mistakes. i think im going to try and take the bus down next week for maybe 3 out of 5 days and see whats happening.

ok lets talk about the top chef finale. Really? this was really the best you had to offer? pork belly rules but that was about the most boring and uninteresting way ive ever seen it. a prawn in chili sauce was actually called "original". a seared banana (again richard?) in melted bacon ice cream does actually sound great on a gluttony level, not on a best-young-chef-in-the-world level. They seemingly all brought their C games and just had no flair or anything exciting going on. It was a snooze fest entertainment-wise and food-wise.

i got really into gardening this spring. i can't wait for my plants to bloom. theyre getting pretty tall. i have a few different varities of tomatoes, obscure peppers from around the world, spinach, sugar snap peas, strawberries, all different herbs, something else i'm forgetting. if even any of it comes out good i will feel so accomplished.

hellhole played in brooklyn saturday night. we were ok. it was fun. first show in a while. 1/2 price beer was the best part. also working on a new band.

Seriously, how good is bacon? i can't think of a food on earth i wouldn't eat it with. bacon is somehow the perfect food and the perfect condiment at the same time. its the food equivalent of a walkoff grand slam.

"boring summer" - civ

the smartest poker player ever.

2008-06-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

in a poker room in a casino, there are 2 kinds of chips. cash chips, which are actually worth the amount written on them, and tournament chips, which have no physical cash value, they are just used in tournaments and collected when the tournament is over. Some crafty bachelor decided to swipe a couple off the tournament table and put them to good use.

"The story starts with a girl. She’s frantic. She’s yelling. She’s at the main cage trying to cash out but they will not honor the $500 value of the chip. Why won’t they honor it? Well, the chip clearly states that it has “no cash value.”

This girl is a working girl and she has been paid by, and all signs point to, a poker player. A player who wished to procure her services for the price of 1 $500 tournament chip.

Now what is the bigger sin? Ripping off a hooker or stealing tournament chips?

Word from the floor is that it happens all the time and that there’s more. No!

Yes. Another facet to the scam is that a poker player will hire a prostitute for a set amount of money. We'll say $600. Once the deed is done, 5 minutes later, and its time to pay up, the poker player will tell the pro that they only have a $1000 chip. A $1000 tournament chip. Of course they need change, and the lady of the night ponies up 4 hundred dollar bills for change.

So not only are they stealing tournament chips and ripping off dumb hookers, they’re also turning a profit."

BRILLIANT

sack lunch

2008-05-28T22:05:00.000-07:00

Highlights of vacation:

a legit warzone woman moshing to a karaoke cover of let the bodies hit the floor

funneling jooze through a pool noodle

"im going to be a teacher please dont put these pictures on the internet they'll ruin my career"

md being a legit human cartoon character and running full speed through a screen door

weed brownies + margs + valium leaving me a paraplegic for 24 hours

skunky bong dude.

2008-04-20T21:28:00.001-07:00

its been a while. i have nothing interesting to add. no good anecdotes. nothing. i just got hbo for the first time ever. theres a special on right now about AC hookers. i should dvr it for sam no dice. speaking of ac, im on one of my best gambling upswings in a long time. not for a ton of money, pretty low stakes, but i havent lost in what seems like months, online and in ac. its sick. im trying to save up for a trip im thinking about taking out to the west coast at the end of summer to see friends, visit culinary schools, maybe see oasis, etc. i just dont want to go alone and thats what it seems like i'll have to do. i need people to practice cooking for, im dying to try new stuff but noone in my house would eat what i make. maybe ill have a dinner party or something.
gerity is moving out of his apt in a month. im pretty bummed. place rules, always good hangin. it moreso bums me out though that hes done with college and getting a real world job. good for him, its just making me realize i havent done anything. i know im kinda trying to make up for lost time now, and im glad im pretty much over my depression/bi-polarness/panic attacks but i still feel so behind and i feel like im growing apart from everyone i know.
i sold my bass and my gear. i kinda feel the same way i did when i sold my records; apprehensive and like im making a bad choice. my current band situation has bummed me out so much i just needed to break away from the attachment of wanting it to happen so badly when i know it wont. maybe someday ill get to go on tour, its one of my top 3 goals ive had and its becoming more and more unlikely. people seem to be really into the new record, too.
i hate being serious.

2008-02-10T20:35:00.000-08:00

even golf is cool in HD

2008-02-10T18:52:00.001-08:00

It looks like the writers strike is over. I guess i'm glad; it seems the writers have gotten at least a piece of what they wanted, and understandably so. How were any of them to know how big dvd sales, internet downloading, and on demand would have gotten and I feel they are entitled to their piece of it. I was getting terribly used to 10x more reality television than usual. Heres my thoughts on some current tv happenings.

Lost - Never seen it. you stupid assholes have been stuck on an island for what, 3 years now? wasn't there supposed to be a monster or something? Yeah, that could have been cool.. like cloverfield (jk). People get so worked up over this and i bet its going to end so bad. i hope people start eating each other.

Terminator - Sarah Connor Chronicles: Ok, everytime people talk about this show i try to stick up for it. but it kinda stinks. The girl terminator fucking SUCKS SO MANY DICKS. I dont know how an actor can fuck up being an emotionless cold monotone robot, but somehow this moonfaced bitch does. The t1000 pretending to be a teacher and shooting up the class was pretty cool though. I'll keep watching but I don't know why.

The Superbowl - worst commercials EVER. shaq riding a horse, some stupid baby, and a big tease of there being a toy story 3 but no dice. Serious lack of babes, partying dogs, and beer apes. What happened to the glory days of these little guys, homo snickers, and even this brilliant piece from last year? Did commercial writers strike too?

American Pie: Band Camp on tv - no tits, no care.

The Office - im praying it doesn't come back. The first few episodes of season 4 have been about as entertaining as punching myself in the dick and they hold my attention about as well as fucking the NHL. Seriously, just give it up, youve ruined the characters and their situations are so stupid. And for no real reason, Fuck the Brits too.

Playgirl channel - i wouldn't know, ask Matt Clarke.

The Newest Katt Williams special - first half sucks, the other comics sucked major aids dick. And even though i had heard some of Katt's bits before, dude does not dissapoint. Funniest black dude (sorry, tyler perry.)

the Pro Bowl - LOL zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Futurama not being on at 11:00 anymore - GAY. The N did start airing saved by the bell though so at least i dont have to watch family guy.

stuff im looking forward to: Baseball, Baseball tonight, The Shield, Top Chef 4

"You bet against Rocky?"

2008-01-07T14:19:00.000-08:00

As far back as I can remember i have loved to gamble. Its in my Jew blood. We've been gambling for thousands of years, we probably invented it. We teach it to little jewbs at a young age; the dreidel is probably the world's oldest gambling game. Our love for money has made us a sick people, and I am trying to remember some of the dumbest/greatest/ridiculous bets i have made. Off the top of my head, here goes:

New York to win the Irish football open or some stupid event like that, the odds were 500,000 to 1. I had to.

If that TV show kid nation would be on for more than 4 episodes before getting cancelled. I said less, but somehow stupid americans liked that fucking faggot show

Whether or not Apple will announce a price cut on ipod touch/classic/iphone at the next macworld expo in jan (I said No.)

Whether or not Apple will announce the Beatles catalog available from iTunes at the next macworld expo in jan (I Said Yes.)

Song of the Year at the Grammy Awards (I picked Umbrella. ella. ella.)

Trickshot billiards on ESPN

Countless number of video games, most fun though is mario party/mario kart/wii sports

Trivial Pursuit

Mini Golf, $10 a hole, 19 holes between 3 people. I won 1 hole. I suck.

Who will die first, Britney Spears or Amy Winehouse (has to be by dec 31, 2008 or bet is void)

Any card or board game you can think of. Kids monopoly with real money. Intense. Aggrevation (some Trouble knock off), what a fitting name. Uno, yahtzee, shit if i can find a 5 year old who will bet on go fish, i'm game.

How many flintstones chewable vitamins i could fit in my mouth at one time.

How many bands Timmy could get through until he puked at the court tavern Jan. 5

Betting on Georgetown basketball for (almost) an entire season because they had a player named Jeff Green. i bet against them once for a huge amount, and of course lost.

Non-U.S. political elections. Like i give a fuck who wins an election in Russia.

After a huge sushi meal betting PG he couldnt eat a huge ball of wasabi without puking for $20. he did it, but it was well worth it.

Andy Scarpula had a box of baseball cards with a guaranteed signed card in one of the packs, betting on which pack it would be in.

Whether or not my friend Kiran could wear a Yarmulka for an entire day in high school (he did it)

One day i woke up too late to bet on baseball day games, the only action was WNBA basketball. I don't remember who i bet on but i lost. I was talking about it at Harrah's and the poker room manager overheard and called me a fag.

TV show trivia. Seinfeld, saved by the bell, fresh prince, anything lets do it. I won a bet that i remembered the Hey Dude theme song word for word.

If youre looking for some action, i'll give you some action.

My First Inebriation

2007-12-22T09:22:00.000-08:00

The year was 1995. I was in 7th grade, and my days usually consisted of waking up at 6 am to catch beavis and butthead (im pretty sure the only episode at that point was frog baseball, which MTV played every single morning.), listening to a nirvana or green day tape on what some of you may remember, the archaic "Walk-Man" on the bus ride to school, followed by video games at whoever's house had a combination of new games and the best snacks.

I don't remember how I met Steve K. He was kind of a delinquent; not in the getting arrested way but more of the being late for class, getting detition kind of way, which was new to a straight shooter like myself. He ended up being a pretty good dude, and he made his way into my circle of friends pretty quick. Also, he was the only person I ever knew to own a Sega Saturn, which was pretty cool.

Steve talked about getting drunk and stoned a lot, but most 13 year olds tend to embellish a little, especially about something as cool as that. Regardless, I had never done either but thought about it a lot. We had even come up with code words so we could talk about it around the parents and on the phone. Alcohol was baseball cards, and weed was cologne. Finally 5 months into the school year, Steve was relatively certain he could get some baseball cards. I was not sure how he could get it but I didn't care. My parents were always cool with letting me stay out or go places, shit they even let me go to a green day concert in philly on a weeknight that same year. Staying over his house would be no problem. I remember his parents going to sleep pretty early and we made our way from his bedroom to his basement. His dad had a fridge in the basement, we cracked it open and found a 6 pack of some black and tan cans (not sure which brand; until i broke edge at age 22 i always assumed black and tan was a brand), and some plastic jug of vodka.

We cracked open the black and tans and started playing video games. Im pretty sure we played a ton of area 51 (he had the guns for it which was cool), and listened to a ton of 311. Once we made our way through a couple of cans, we went for the vodka. After giving it a whiff i asked "How do you drink this?"
"I think you're supposed to mix it with something. There's vodka in long island ice tea I think"
"Lets get some iced tea"

We went to the kitchen and got a couple of glasses and filled them up to the top with vodka. He pulled out a giant tub of lipton iced tea powder mix. We mixed it into the vodka thinking we had just stumbled upon the recipe for a long island iced tea. Holy shit, i will never forget that first sip. It was like out of a tv show, when a character hears something shocking while taking a sip and proceeds to spray it all over the place. I did the very same. Steve was not amused, and he called me a pussy and started downing his with less of a problem. It took about what seemed to be 1000 little baby sips, but i started getting it down. That taste is burned into my memory, it was so bad. Alot of the tea powder didnt even mix in, it just stayed in clumps on the side of the glass. Back downstairs to play more video games, we went from buzzed from the beer to barney gumble status in under half an hour. Steve finished his glass, i maybe got through half.

We chilled, watched tv, and just talked for a while. I remember Steve complaining about his parents making him play soccer and how much he hated it. He came up with a plan to get out of it: to keep kicking this solid support beam in his basement until he broke his foot. I shit you not, this maniac was just kicing this beam about 4 times and just fell to the ground. I'm pretty positive i was laughing really hard the whole time. Definitely not close to broken, but i helped him get back to the couch. Thats when it hit both of us: throwing up. I went first and it burned like no puking had before, very Not Cool. Steve limped and crawled his way up the stairs and proceeded to do the same. I waited for him for about 5 minutes and then stopped caring, I was now freaking out that somehow when i went home in the morning my parents would know. I searched an upstairs bathroom for some toothpaste and came upon some of that red stuff that tasted pretty good. Without a toothbrush i just ended up squirting about half the tube into my mouth, pushing it around with my tongue, and swallowing most of it. Oh shit, time to puke again. How Steve's parents never woke up i'll have no idea.

It took about 15 minutes but i made my way downstairs again, and assumed steve was down in the basement. I went down there, didn't see him, but just passed out on the couch. Steve's parents woke me up around 7 A.M and told me I had better go home. Steve had passed out in the bathroom, ON THE TOILET elvis style. The horrible "long island iced tea", the puking, the toothpaste, the embarrasment of being caught, and the hangover and walk home in the snow had accumulated into being the worst day ever. And that is probably why i never drank again until i was 22 years old.

Steve and I stayed friends for a couple of more years. He became more of a bad ass and found some scumbag friends, and I had basically stayed the same. By 10th grade I think he had either gone to vo-tech or another school, i forget, but we lost touch. My senior year of high school my friends and I would usually hang out in the parking lot after school, hackey sacking (no we're not gay or hippies, it really was just a place to bullshit without going home, i swear we're not gay) and talking shit. One day i see steve come up in the parking lot. We say hi, and i was hoping to catch up. He asks me "is this car yours?" pointing to a car still in the lot. I tell him no, and he then proceeds to break into it and steal change. I never saw him again.

open for business

2007-11-18T21:56:00.000-08:00

i made this with the intent of posting stupid hellhole news but i figure noone would care (i don't even), so i will be posting about things that interest me like: ufo's, matt doktor(n/h), drugs, 12/21/2012, people falling down, ryan o connors and mine ongoing full house trivia contest, and candy.

plastic bomb, plastic smile

uppers downers

2007-11-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

my mind is alive annihilate space and time